"he looked just like me"

a few thoughts emerging this morning...

-in so many words you asked me to lead. I've always followed.

-I pray that he will love You how I will love him.

-For a number of reasons James Blunts song "Same Mistake" makes me think of King David
and his affair with Bathsheba.

-Kiss an apple and kiss your words

"falling asleep to the sound"

Psalms

Chapter 141

1 A psalm of David. LORD, I call to you; come quickly to help me; listen to my plea when I call.
2 Let my prayer be incense before you; my uplifted hands an evening sacrifice.
3 Set a guard, LORD, before my mouth, a gatekeeper at my lips.
4 Do not let my heart incline to evil, or yield to any sin. I will never feast upon the fine food of evildoers.
5 Let the just strike me; that is kindness; let them rebuke me; that is oil for my head. All this I shall not refuse, but will pray despite these trials.
6 When their leaders are cast over the cliff, all will learn that my prayers were heard.
7 As when a farmer plows a field into broken clods, so their bones will be strewn at the mouth of Sheol.
8 My eyes are upon you, O GOD, my Lord; in you I take refuge; do not strip me of life.
9 Guard me from the trap they have set for me, from the snares of evildoers.
10 Into their own nets let all the wicked fall, while I make good my own escape.

All is calm, all is bright

Please make this go away; please forgive me for getting involved. I would love if you pulled me out of this muck (Psalm 40) put me back on solid group because where I am I’m sinking and for whatever ugly reason I walked out onto this substance…”a substance I have no business walking on”.
I would love this to go away without taking the 101 freeways headed north. I would love this to be taken care of somewhere in Hope…somewhere within us. I wish I was back in last semester when I was silent and humble and I lacked a lot of things which have found me over the summer…maybe it hit me when we were leaving San Diego. When I admitted to the freedom that I knew I would have. And now it doesn't really feel like freedom, now it feels like a weight that I carry every time I speak. I would love to experience silence. And You. 

"all of these lines across my face."

I love you dear girl.

I love that you are a sinner and a receiver.
That you are a listener and a talker...on Wednesdays.
I love that you're a sleeper and a leaver.
I love that on occasion you're a drinker.
I love that you step outside of yourself and follow where He leads.
I hope that in this season in which you follow Him.
I love that you seek rest and receive laughter.
That you lead and you fail to lead.
And in the midst of your rebellion and obedience
I have found you to be someone that I love.

"We could hide inside ourselves"

We hung 'halls' from Home Depots finest.
Grabbed mint tea and extension cords.
Snuck in phone calls that would last 5 minutes and 27 seconds.
Rode bikes in between clean up and fell asleep on iron tables in front
of photographers.
We ran past the band and sat with old classmates.
Silently watching men and women sing very well, creating something lovely.
We used the same restroom 7 times in 4 hours.
I realized that when I stand beside your sheets you remind me of a adolescent
boy from Russia.

"we left our love in our summer skin"

My neighbor called this morning in tears to tell me that she knows a man that may or may not have died in the train accident on Friday. They can't find him.

Home is very nice, i'm glad i stopped by and i'm glad i'm going back home.

I was reminded to trust God today...it's funny how sometimes we forget to do that.

Friday morning I burnt my forehead because I was crying while doing my hair and I couldn't see...

Katrina's in the hospital tonight, i'm not really sure why but then again I'm reminded to trust in God today. (thanks heather for staying with her)

"even if you cannot hear my voice"

For some odd reason I feel the need to remain silent on this topic.
So I guess this means I will talk about it without addressing it.

Please dont misunderstand

I got a txt message this morning, (8:18)
I made a phone call (9:17)
I received a phone call (2:13)

I appreciate that people are telling me about people.
I really appreciate when my mom calls and doesn't want to talk about herself.
I appreciate it not because she wants to focus on me but because shes tired
of all that shes faced.
I'm oddly proud of her for remaining silent.


Sometimes it's good not to talk about it.
Sometimes I try to be like her, and remain silent.

"She's got a baby"

I have a picture of my desktop that is very raw for some reason.
I feel like so much has happened.
I have found my way into Donald Miller books, and slowly (God speed) I'm making my way around Ephesians.
I'm trying to be humble and I fail daily. I'm trying to guard my mouth and most importantly my heart.
I wish I was at home. That statement makes me want to laugh and cry because I would have never said that last year.
I haven't exactly fallen in love with this place yet. I tell people I have but a part of me is lying. The truth is the last and the this are drastically different.
Not what i expected.
Exactly what I was told.

"Don't worry.

Everything will still be here when you get back.

It is you who will have changed."

-D.M.